A simple fact.

Since we left Jehovahs Witnesses, everything seems so obvious that I wonder how I ever believed it.
I still feel that members of Jehovahs Witnesses are sincere. I do not hate them. Its sort of like how witnesses say they hate "the world" but for example, they don't necessarily hate a wordly coworker, I feel I am very against Jehovahs Witnesses but I still very much love my family.
Here is a simple question that you can use to find out if even just one basic doctrine of Jehovahs Witnesses is true. And it is doing a quick Google search on when Jerusalem was destroyed. There is actually no evidence that it was in 607 BCE.
I mean you can even skip googling, ask Siri on your phone, when was Jerusalem destroyed? It's not even open to opinion, its a fact.
There is not really an excuse, they lie about this. They made this claim many years ago and now they have to twist things to make it work, or else everything falls apart. And they do this all the time. Instead of reading their hugely stretched interpretation and taking everything they say as absolute, think about it. They change all the time, Jehovahs Witnesses were expected to believe in articles years ago that say things 100% differently then they say now. Its unfair that they can change and members are expected to follow unquestioningly.
This is a core doctrine of Jehovahs witnesses. It's so simple to see that it is not true, and I just wish that before throwing away people that love you forever, or raising kids with that prospect, you'd just care enough to research a little. It makes me so so sad, it's all for a lie.
When you allow yourself to be informed and think critically, you will not be tricked. Jehovahs Witnesses are being investigated all over the world for their dangerous policies. Thousands of pedophiles protected under their "two witness rule", and failure to report them
to police. The innapropriate set up of judicial committees, run only by men, interviewing young girls about sexual experiences. Are you deep down messed up because of having to do that? Yup, so am I, and it isn't your fault.
They are running out of money. They are brainwashing kids to donate money. They are rebranding to JW.org, because "Jehovahs Witnesses" sounds weird and if you google Jehovahs Witnesses you'll see all of the sites exposing them, so they are fighting back. Why wouldn't they be proud to use Jehovahs name anymore? They are acting like financial decisions they make are because they are growing, when they aren't. They sold Brooklyn properties and made millions.
They have carts set up at Walmart. Its a religion that sets carts up at Walmart.
Will you please just give it a chance? Will you please not put your children in my position without doing your research?
The world is a beautiful place. Life is hard but we need eachother to get through it.
No one can claim to know the reality of invisible things, especially to the point of emotionally blackmailing people to believe it.
The world is also changing, at least here in America. You can't hate people because of their sexual orientation, or their race. You cant discriminate against women anymore, we are equal. You can't deny evolution anymore, whether there is a creator or not, it's how we got here. And there's going to be less and less room for these fear based religions masking themselves as loving ones.
The kids ask about you. I feel like there is a ticking clock until they forget, and I can't bear to tell them the truth.
(Please see my most recent blog post on the testimony of governing body member Geoffrey Jackson.)

What to do.

Finn’s letter. I thought he was sleeping the night we found out Joe would be disfellowshipped, but i found this the next morning in his room. “Dear stuffed animals, I’m sorry that I was crying.”


I am sitting here in total shock and disbelief and with my voice stolen. This morning I wake up to find that without informing me, or even Joe, I have also been disfellowshipped. And my first response is how can you do this to me. How can you do this to us.
I have no doubt that me posting this will incite anger, actually more like rage, in many of the people that I have known and loved for my entire life. I guess all I can really ask is for you to find it in your own heart and mind to remember that I am the exact same person, only that I slowly came to a realization and with the sincerest heart am reacting in the only way I know how.
What do you do when a horrible injustice is done against you, and you are simultaneously about to be abandoned by everyone you have ever known and loved? That now everywhere you go people you've known and loved will turn their heads when they see you? And you have to still get up and make breakfast and change diapers and be terrified to go grocery shop and take care of sick kids and be 7 months pregnant? You either go absolutely insane, or, thankfully in 2015 you can write about it, so that if anyone ever cares to know the truth, it is at least possible.
As I stated in my last post, I still have only love for the people that are making this decision. I know they are good people, who I think believe they are doing what's right. They have sadly been taught to think this is my choice, not theirs. And that the choice that I'm making makes me unworthy of even being spoken to. But this morning I'm done with the guilt, and realizing most have made it clear that they are sticking with their decision, and so here I am, and I don't know what to do. Except get it out in writing.
Is it fair, or logical, to baptize a child, and then threaten to take away family and friends forever from them if they feel differently about that commitment as an adult? When I originally started this post, it was January 5th, the day that Joe and I met 12 years ago. It's funny that when I look at pictures from that day and time period, I am always shocked at what actual babies we were. We would get so mad when people told us we were too young to be so serious, and especially to get married.
But what is even more amazing to me is to look at pictures from September of 1992, when I was 9 years old, and baptized as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Seeing what a child I was then. Remembering that the main thing on my mind that day was most likely my cabbage patch doll and how badly I wanted a barbie car and as many pen pals as possible. And making my parents happy. And fitting in with my friends. Like any 9 year old, I was a direct product of my family, my environment, and my parents. When is the last time you heard someone changing religions at 9? Especially from one where you attend 3 meetings a week studying books full of pictures and reasonings on what will happen if you serve Jehovah, and what will happen if you don't. If I was raised in Iran and was 9, what religion would I believe in with all my heart? India? What if I was raised in an Amish community? Well it didn't matter to me then, because I got to go out to dinner, and wear a fancy dress, and get a whole lot of applause from 1,000 people the next day at my assembly part when I was interviewed:
"Sarah could you tell everyone when you were baptized?"
"Yesterday."
Put on display as a good example, baptize your young children as soon as possible.
Little did I know that a little over 20 years later, I would suffer incredibly for this decision. But in that moment I had no idea what the implications would be if I ever decided to change my mind, or leave. No one tells you this, and you are far too young (do I even really need to say that?) to understand or even figure that out. I can picture exactly what i would have said at that age. Will you ever change your mind and not serve Jehovah? Never. Just go over the questions, get a t-shirt to go over your bathing suit, say yes as loud as you can, and plug your nose. And get super nervous because at this age you still can not swim and have barely ever been underwater. But you are making a commitment similiar to marriage, except much much more is at risk if you ever wanted out.

Which is where, because of that decision at age 9, I find myself and my family today. Disfellowshipped, excommunicated, shunned.
Probably the most disturbing and honestly enraging thing to me is this statement under "FAQ" on the official website of Jehovahs Witnesses:

Do Jehovah’s Witnesses Shun Former Members of Their Religion?

"Those who were baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses but no longer preach to others, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are NOT shunned. In fact, we reach out to them and try to rekindle their spiritual interest."

This is a lie.

Joe and I have not preached to others in over 2 years. We have not even attended a meeting in a year and a half. And we are being shunned. Again, no answers or explanation for this.


Disfellowshipping is not a mild thing, here is the way members are instructed to treat us:

"Thus "disfellowshiping" is what Jehovah's Witnesses appropriately call the expelling and subsequent shunning of such an unrepentant wrongdoer." Watchtower 1981 Sep 15 p.22
"… a simple "Hello" to someone can be the first step that develops into a conversation and maybe even a friendship. Would we want to take that first step with a disfellowshiped person?" Watchtower 1981 Sep 15 p.25

"Really, what your beloved family member needs to see is your resolute stance to put Jehovah above everything else - including the family bond. … Do not look for excuses to associate with a disfellowshipped family member, for example, through e-mail." Watchtower 2013 Jan 15 p.16

"And all members of the congregation need to be determined to avoid the company of disfellowshipped individuals." Watchtower 2011 Nov 15 p.5

"Is strict avoidance really necessary? Yes for several reasons. ... In other cases, the disfellowshipped relative may be living outside the immediate family circle and home. Although there might be a need for limited contact on some rare occasion to care for a necessary family matter, any such contact should be kept to a minimum." Keep Yourself in God's Love (2008) pp.207,208

"Cutting off from the Christian congregation does not involve immediate death, (ha!) so family ties continue. Thus, a man who is disfellowshipped or who disassociates himself may still live at home with his Christian wife and faithful children The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living outside the immediate family circle and home. It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative. Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum, in line with the divine principle: "Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person [or guilty of another gross sin], . . . not even eating with such a man."-1 Corinthians 5:11. Understandably, this may be difficult because of emotions and family ties, such as grandparents' love for their grandchildren. Yet, this is a test of loyalty to God, as stated by the sister quoted on page 26." Watchtower 1988 Apr 15 p.27
And as recently as this article to be studied at this weekends meetings, where i find the reasoning especially disturbing:
5 "A heartrending experience for Aaron’s family is recorded at Leviticus 10:1-11. They must have been devastated when fire from heaven consumed Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu at the tabernacle. What a test of faith it was for Aaron and his family not to mourn their dead relatives! Are you personally proving yourself holy with regard to not associating with family members or others who have been disfellowshipped?—Read 1 Corinthians 5:11. -Watchtower November 2014 study edition.

This is for the rest of our lives, since we are never going back. My kids will never have cousins. I will never be an Aunt. They will never know my family. I've seen it my whole life, other people will fill my place in their lives and they will be told that I am disfellowshipped and it was my fault, because I left Jehovah. The accusation? Putting up a christmas tree in the privacy of our own home. (This is something that witnesses consider apostasy, as it is a "religious holiday". They did not care that Joe and I are agnostic and celebrated it as such, for the season of giving and love, as many Americans do. In addition many, many ex-JW's celebrate christmas, and are not disfellowshipped. But our particular group of elders had no answers as to why we are an exception to that.)


Is it reasonable for anyone, in any situation, to not question deeply something they have been taught "from infancy"? Especially if they now have the responsibility to teach and commit their children to these beliefs? Something they have been warned almost excessively since childhood to not read criticisms of, because they were malicious, and poisonous, and Satanic? In fact, if you are a witness and have even gotten this far, I'm shocked.
What should someone do, if they are in my situation? If they truly love their families, friends, and the children of all of these people..but they slowly find out that every one of them including themselves are good people that believe they are doing the right thing, but are following what is really just a highly controlled, fundamentalist sect started in the late 1800's? Sure maybe it started out sincerely. Sure maybe some of them have good motives. But these 7 men, who dictate scripture to control everything from what type of pants you wear to whether or not you speak to your own child, are capable of instructing your family and everyone you have ever known to never speak to you again if you tell the truth. I have debated this in my mind for years. I have agonized over it. As each of our children were born, this decision has been our primary thought, floating over our heads at all times. At times we'd end up exploding in rage and at times letting months go by, letting things settle. So that maybe I can have even just a hope of regaining the things I took for granted. Be an aunt again, my kids having cousins and grandparents, having coffee and talking about life with my mom and sisters, laughing at my hilarious brother, getting picked on by my dad.
Here and there we'd get calls, from our elders, that they and others had been spying on our personal social media accounts, and we've said to much of our opinion, or written or posted something that seemed "apostate". That a wildfire of misconceptions and untrue stories had spread throughout our former friends. Being excluded from every party and dinner we were used to going too. All the while we are realizing, more quickly than ever that just like many exclusive groups and religions, how great it can be to be inside the Jehovah's Witness community, but how much different it is if you question and when finding answers do not fall into line. And witnesses tell you, "Of course thats what will happen! Stay in Jehovah's organization and you're happy, leave and you're miserable. What else is out there? What would their motive be to lie to us? But we have unity, and we are the only ones who don't go to war. There is no one else on earth like us. And you're doing exactly what they told us you'd do if you left..."
So I guess my answer to that is this.
The most common thing, while frustrating, that people have said to me during this entire ordeal is we love you. We DO care. We're doing what's best for you and for ourselves. My intention is not to be insulting or pious in any way, believe me I don't pretend to think I have all the answers. But what I am about to write is a fact. If you do love me, or Joe, or our children, and most importantly if you do love your own kids, you will realize that nothing can be deemed absolute or true if some serious scrutiny is not allowed first. Even if it has good in it, even if you are happy doing it. Actually, the most untrustworthy and shady ideas, leaders, groups, and countries are the ones that forbid questioning. Think about it for yourself, you are smart people and I do KNOW that. But you have to look at the criticism and with an open mind consider it, if you claim to have truth. Otherwise it is simply not respectable. And as furious as it may make you to hear it, it's out there. And if you don't see it, your kids will. Maybe not until they are 20, or 30, but they will. If you read it and disagree you should at least be ready to defend it because it's strong. You're only hope can be that there is more "new light" that will continue to cut down weekly meetings, shorten conventions and assemblies, stop promoting child baptism, slowly allow 4 year colleges, drop the blood issue, and ease up on shunning non members, so that you can be more mainstream and give them less reason to question or leave. Or, that on the contrary that they intensify their indoctrination of children, by limiting your entertainment and association further, making news stations and websites and videos and hyping them up as modern and cool, while slowly robbing them of the freedom of thought and choice and critical thinking by brainwashing them to not question, but obey, and be unscripturally baptized and committed as children.
It made me wonder, why are children baptized when there is not once an example of that in the Bible? And actually, the man who you claim to follow in every footstep was not baptized until 29? Is it fair to criticize other religions for changing doctrine when we do the exact same thing? And the questions had answers. And they were irrefutable, but this time for real. The "worldwide" unity comes at a pretty high cost of most witness families being destroyed when one member leaves. And I will do nothing but research all I want, and find out the truth, if I am ever going to commit to something that not I, but my parents joined. That instructs me to be willing to someday shun or put a blood card in the wallet of my 4 babies that look to me innocently and so impressionably for guidance. There is literally not a thing in this world that could stop me from making sure this is the truth for their sake. Either take the long road and find your own secular non-biased information, or go on one of the most consolidated and trustworthy of the many sites out there, JWfacts.com, and see if you can find one false statement. One. Truth should stand up to anything, anything. And Jehovah's Witnesses simply do not tell the truth. My whole life I thought I was the different one. I was the one standing up against the world, for truth. That I was in this respectable, chill, tolerant religion that everyone admired. I was wrong. I realized why we were banned all over the world, labeled extremist. Its not "satan trying to bring us down", its because... well we really border on extremist. We're not tolerant of all religions at all. We call them "Babylon the great" and a "harlot". We don't respect people's right to leave, it's a free country so of course you can leave! But then we shun them. We even tell their own families to shun them. Intelligent, reasonable people don't want to be like us, or else they would join! They think we are awkward and don't know what to say so they scrounge up a complement to make things less uncomfortable. "Yeah, i mean Christmas is expensive anyway." "Everyone at the hall seems very nice". "You guys are well informed about blood." And its been devastating just realizing that, but to lose everyone I love is unbearable. And for my kids to innocently suffer and lose it all too...it's too much. And no one sees this side of it. I watched people quietly endure this my entire life. Be disfellowshipped, and leave, and move on and you never see their tears or know their loss or hurt. You call them bitter, and angry, and criticize them for their lives falling apart. I wont do it without fighting one last time for the people I love. So whenever I need to get it off my chest, I will, here. And if no one reads it thats fine but there has to be some way for me to get it out since witnesses have shut us out forever.
The saddest thing is, you all fully know if we had a few glasses of wine and made dinner together, and didn't allow any religious talk, we'd all be right back to normal, being friends and laughing. You're smart and deep down, you know it doesn't make sense. You just are comfortable in the life. And i fully admit I am saying this out of absolute anger today but if you want to try and say I have "offended your god", so thats why you cant talk to me, I'm not stupid guys. And I don't need to pretend anymore. First of all, who of you can deny that you are one watchtower study paragraph away from being told you no longer need to disfellowship? Of course you are. This is not a personal decision. You shun us because they tell you too. I've known you all forever, and I'm thinking a lot of you would be living your lives and talking about your so called best friend God a whole lot different if he was something you held so incredibly close and real. Because you never mentioned him. You were normal and ignored the literature telling you the end is coming and you need to preach to everyone and never watch certain movies or read certain books or drink too much. I know it, because I should have been doing it too. You care about your careers and building houses and buying sweet cars and books and music and art and that is a good thing and normal! But the actual opposite of what you know you're supposed to be doing. And you sit in a seat of judgement with my family. You'd treat an actual pet better then people that were your friends, were there for you, loved you, love your children. While you will go on living your life exactly as i do, loving your kids, trying to make a good life for them. You preach to no one outside of Saturday morning or during a special campaign or time of year, most of which is Panera time, because you know its pointless and weird. And guess what, everyone offends your god, all the time, just not to your face. And you work and hang out with and watch them on TV, and don't give a crap. Don't use the excuse "they don't know the truth". Of course many of them do. They can look it up online in one second and know far more about your religion then you do. It doesn't make sense, and you know it. And it doesn't make sense that you think you are "blessed" because of serving Jehovah when equally as many people that "serve Jehovah" have horrible lives and equally as many non witnesses have amazing ones. So much doesn't make sense guys. So why does our life have to be destroyed because you all think you have it so figured out? No one has it all figured out. No one.
The final thing I need to say is the most important. I'm taking the chance that anyone of you will read this.
Mom, and Dad, Elizabeth, Kathryn, Mario I love you. I'm sorry if you think that it has anything to do with how i feel about you, that I just don't want to live my life as a Jehovah's Witness. It doesn't. If you want to think it is selfish of me to not raise the kids in something I know is wrong, it just isn't true. I would never choose to lose any of you, and no matter what, if you stay a witness or if you don't, I'll always be here to be a part of your life. I am hurt as you are but it's nothing I couldn't forgive. I'll never replace any of you. My saddest loss in life forever will be all of you and the kids. I obviously could say so much more and so could you, but I will leave it at that. I will most likely write you all a letter someday, when I can handle it. But to all of you out there that are trying to comfort my family and thinking to yourselves that I'm so horrible for doing this, this is how I feel. I'M RIGHT HERE FOR THEM. And you don't know half of what i think or feel, and you weren't there growing up in my family, and you don't have the memories, and you don't know what it's like to be me. Thats my nephew and my niece you get to see and say you love and be part of their lives, and I don't. And I'm a good person just like you and it makes me really freaking mad. And that's my dad and my mom and my sisters and my brother and i will always cry about them, and I will always love them, and I will miss them every day, and never, ever shun them.
Steph. I think you know what a huge hole will always be in my heart without you. I will forever be incredibly disappointed, and feel it is so unfair that I had a person that could be such a perfect friend stolen for such a silly reason. I'm furious about it Steph. Not everyone gets that in their lifetime. I probably never will again. You think I don't think about you every single day? I do. I will also always be here, if things ever change.
Matt and Jody. I am honestly again, so disappointed, and confused by you're reasoning and choices. I don't know what else to say. I can not respond to your letter, to think in that way is so foreign to me now. To think you'd expect to be allowed to be close with our kids but we can't speak to yours. And while you have no relationship with us, their parents. They are children guys. You can't do that to them. It's confusing and damaging. The answer is no. The answer is this is not temporary, so stop hoping it is. We've made our choice. And we are only devastated by the fact that what could have been an idealic life for our children as cousins out here is destroyed. How silly, as you sit there next door and live an almost identical life. That our family that once was so happy is needlessly over. Again, we will love you all and always be here, no matter what your religious belief. Once again, to all of you... You're. Choice. Not ours, yours. Yours to subscribe to a set of beliefs that involves shunning.
Lauren. I think of you more than you know. You are so much goodness and sweetness. I hate that I can't talk to you, it has been out of sheer frustration that you could never be allowed to see this situation fairly and it breaks my heart. But I can't change that. I'm pretty sure you will never read this, but I'm putting it here in case someday you are older and you do.
Everyone else. I feel like I expressed it in my last post. I am just so disappointed that I can't sit and talk with every one of you. Imagine how much even after reading this you'd like to defend your side. Thats how I feel every. single. day. And I never get to. The fact that I was disfellowshipped last night without a single phone call or voicemail to warn me. Thats one tiny thing. I can't tell anyone, vent to anyone, and no one cares. So just remember that, if you're mad at anything I have written but can't respond. At least you have each other.
I know you all wonder why can't I move on? Why can't I leave this alone. I will never leave this alone. Don't be a hypocrite. That question is asked by the thousands of people who's door you have come uninvited to and knocked on. Why do you keep coming back. Because you feel you know the truth, and you want other people to know. Except the people I want to know, I really love and care about. So, I'll never stop, even if you stop listening. -Sar.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds

A goodbye.

It is hard to express what our family has been through in the past year. And the truth is, no one will really ever know, as is true of many things we all deal with. But I'd like to say that although it may seem we have left all of you, I'd truly like you to know we are open to any relationship at all that you are comfortable with. We just have come to the decision, after many years, that despite all of the good in it, we do not feel the beliefs of Jehovahs Witnesses are correct. And pretending that we do does not work with who we truly are, and the way we'd like to raise our kids. This does not mean we feel any differently about everyone we love. In fact, we are devastated by the loss of everyone we've ever known, and miss everyone incredibly. We do understand that the way you are trying to live and raise you children is not compatible with staying friends of ours. This was not by any means an easy decision and to be honest we have nothing to gain from it, it is strictly for the reason that we can not teach our children something that we do not believe to be true. Of course, we did realize the implications that decision would have, however that does not change how much it hurts. We only had wanted to quietly, and respectfully leave. We never wished to argue, offend, be labeled or avoided. But with such a sensitive situation we found that it was inevitable, just as I'm sure many have dealt with when becoming Jehovahs Witnesses, or many other religions different from their families. We've felt this way for a long time, but it took us many years to be honest with ourselves, face the huge risk of loss and all of its implications, and sort out what we truly believed. We at no point deceived anyone or were dishonest. Again, just as a bible student starts off by saying that they will never go in service or become a witness, but then later do, by slowly changing their lives, minds, and beliefs...the process is the same when leaving. Understandably me saying this will be offensive to some, and i do not mean it to be. But I have to say it, since i have been aware that many misconceptions have been made about us, as a result of stories spreading through many people or simply lack of communication. That has been very hard for us to deal with. I guess none of that really matters now. We will not be coming back. Since I felt I had a lifetime of close friends in many of you and almost no one has spoken to me or said goodbye I felt it very important that I write this, so that everyone can know what is in my heart, from me directly. And I can have some closure, and peace, and maybe if this has been bothering you, you can too. And maybe no one will ever read it. We had some crazy good times with so many of you, oh my gosh i grew up with so many of you, and will always be thinking of you. We're just trying to do what we think is right, as you all are, and have the right too. We only wish that meant we could all still be friends, and that our children and us could be treated the same anyway. But we're going to move forward with our lives, with the attitude that whoever wants to be part of them, we'd be happy to be a part of theirs too. Other than that there is not much we can do. Love, the Morgan's. *comments are turned off on this post.

Spring

If anyone even reads this anymore..Here are a few pictures from my phone from the last few months. My cameras totally done:( As you can see we got baby chicks! Not a lot of pictures of the Claire bear because all of the ones I have of her are a blur, she's too busy and fast! I'll try to get more soon.
By the way, Finn named all of the chickens himself. McChick, Grandma, Hen Hat, Chicken McNugget, Buster Brown, Izzy.
Hen Hat is our favorite.

December..